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Most people experience guilt fairly frequently off and on throughout their life. It is a natural part of life and actually performs a very adaptive function in helping us to learn from painful or frightening experiences. In spite of common beliefs to the contrary, the experience of guilt is not completely negative, unproductive and disruptive. "Guilt" is the term we use for the negative yucky feelings we repeatedly feel after we make a serious mistake or do something that we wish we did not do or did not have to. The mind goes over and over the situation that happened, the choices or actions involved, and the results, while also experiencing an enormous feeling of yuck that for many seems a mix of nausea and a palpable sense of significant regret. These uncomfortable "reviews" are experienced as unwanted, intrusive thoughts and they aren't usually seen as adaptive. And often they are not. But in many cases they are actually adaptive. Like virtually all mental and physical mechanisms in our bodies, if you look hard enough you find that guilt and remorse have strong adaptive, survival-promoting value in most situations and applications -- and some smaller possibility of becoming the basis for terrible, terrible problems. but applied inappropriately, they can make you much less.
Debriefing, reviewing, going over what happened. When something intense happens, it's a good idea to review what happened, how you responded, etc. It's not fun. It is, however, responsible and practical. If you look at guilt closely, you see this is what guilt at a minimum actually is. (Guilt can also be twisted and hurtful as well, but that is discussed further down.) After significantly frightening, embarassing or painful happenstances -- after a great pain, a fright or a trauma, a bad mistake or whatever that has hurt someone or something of value -- our brains automatically initiate a repetitive review of the elements involved. This is exactly what would occur in any corporation, social, church or military group but when it occurs in our minds it is initiated by unconscious processes and we experience this consciously as unwanted and outside our control. This reviewing of significant experiences is just unwanted thoughts or unwanted memories when there is no sense of culpability (fault). When there is a sense of fault or culpability, the process of repeated review and repeated feelings of yuck is called "guilt." Setting up alarms and situation alerts. Our brains are wired to review high-intensity experiences and "connect" in memory any negative, uncomfortable feelings with elements that can serve as markers in the future to "remind" us of past experiences in the hopes we can be smarter next time. We walk through a particular part of town we were warned against and get attacked and -- after dealing with a lot of unwanted memories and guilt -- the next time we start to go that direction again, even if not really remembering what had happened, a sort of alarm will go off in one's mind. If we get on the phone and attention lapses and a child we're supposed to be watching almost gets into something dangerous and -- after dealing with a lot of unwanted memories and guilt -- the next time our attention lapses an alarm will go off in the mind. guilt for better or worse
Does guilt make everybody smarter? No. No, because the human has the mixed blessing of language and complex thinking. With language we can manipulate concepts in ways that language-less mammals couldn't dream of. Guilt is the review and rehearsal process that is implemented whether we want it or not after a negative thing happens. But what we rehearse makes the difference between becoming smarter versus becoming dumber. We humans can become smarter or dumber because we can choose the elements that we are connecting ("pairing") together in our minds. For example, take the situation where after staying up all night a guy falls asleep while driving and wrecks his car. If he uses the subsequent, naturally occuring guilt process to rehearse over and over that he is hopelessly stupid and helplessly flawed, he is burning into his brain the fundamental idea that he should not use his brain for thinking. He's going to make himself dumber than before the wreck. OR, if under the same circumstances, he uses the guilt rehearsal process to berate himself for forgetting his lucky rabbit's foot, he's not going to be any smarter and possibly not any dumber. (That's assuming that the rabbit's foot was not really lucky.) OR, if he uses medications, alcohol, drugs, hypnosis or any of the possible thousands of distractions to avoid feeling any guilt, he's not going to be any smarter. Missing out on learning from a car wreck is very costly because he is just as likely to do the same thing again as he was before the wreck. BUT, if he uses the guilt to again and again berate himself for not getting enough sleep and then driving while sleepy, the next time these elements occur together he'll get nervous about driving before he gets into the car or he may even get nervous the night before about staying up late. Thus, he may have lost a car but he's much less likely to make such a mistake again. At least he gets something (learning that will protect him from similar or worse losses in the future) for the sacrifice of the car. Sometimes it might help to deny or delay some reward or nice thing -- like grounding a child for a negative behavior might help reduce that behavior. Sometimes, though, self punishment beyond guilt feelings can hurt. To the extent that the punishment overloads the mind with negative feeling, any learning from the experience is clouded or lost. The only things really punished when punishment is too harsh are self-respect and awareness. Decreasing self-respect will make one more likely to not care about danger. Decreasing awareness is the same as decreasing one's intelligence. It isn't smart to make one's self dumber by being hostile to self. Getting smarter or dumber. It really does show. I frequently see people in therapy who complain that their lives seem to be going downhill. They report having more problems with life over time. They tell me they heard they should be getting smarter from mistakes and from life. And they should. There are all sorts of diseases that can make thinking harder but the most common reason I know of is a mix of a) self-punitiveness, self-directed anger and frustration with self that comes from thinking guilt feelings aren't sufficient and b) a self-hostile assessment of problems that blames character flaws and poor intelligence rather than the accurate elements underlying bad happenings. A great deal of trouble comes from mishandling guilt. All other considerations being equal, you should get smarter and life should consistently get easier if you use guilt right. guilt -- just a feeling -- not a blast of information
An example of guilt feelings where there is nothing to feel guilty about is the grief-with-guilt reaction that many people experience when a loved one dies. The survivor obsesses about possible things that could have been done differently that would have avoided the death. ("If I hadn't been at work, he wouldn't have died." "If I would have made sure she had a better breakfast, she might have had better reactions." "If I hadn't bought that black dress, this wouldn't have happened." "If I would have bought that black dress, this wouldn't have happened.") OR, the survivor obsesses about the feeling that there was a mistake he or she made that he or she is unable to identify. ("I know there was something I should have done differently, but I can't figure out what.") A similar problem occurs when an individual is involved in a serious accident that had nothing to do with what the individual was doing (i.e., a plane crashes into the house during the early morning hours; a crazed gunman sprays bullets into a fast food restaraunt). It would be normal to obsess about the experience, going over and over the events and actions prior to the catastrophe, even if one recognized that logically there could be nothing to feel guilty about.
be careful, be wary in what you see wrong Preferences can differ, but its advisable to clarify what you should feel guilty about -- or if you should feel guilty at all -- as early in the guilt experience as possible. An excellent, though not foolproof, check on whether you believe you should feel guilt feelings is to ask yourself how you would see the situation if a close friend was in your situation. Would you think your friend should feel guilty about his behavior, and if so, for how long? If you are expecting more of yourself or being harder on yourself or more critical than you would think appropriate for a friend, knock it off.
appropriate guilt When guilt feelings are appropriate, experiencing them may not seem at all like they have any sort of silver lining (as in "every cloud has a silver lining") -- but contrary to that feeling, there just may make you a better person -- smarter and more able to avoid the particular act or situation or whatever in the future. Punishment applied in a practical manner to a practical degree is healthy and enhancing to the reciever and those around. Punishment for the sake of punishment is impractical, counterproductive, dangerous and unhealthy, and detrimental to those around. Like any punishment, if guilt feelings -- and/or the ways you behave toward yourself because you feel guilty -- are overly intense, then guilt feelings can cause damage to the detriment of all. The long-term consequence of prolonged abuse -- whether from someone else or your self -- is that you become less and less caring about yourself, you become more and more hostile to yourself and others (especially those who want to care about or for you), you become less and less able gain learning from mistakes, you feel more and more stupid and out of control.. One need only take a look at how poorly people behave and how little they think of themselves or their own well being after spending any significant period of time as an inmate in a prison, being abused and traumatized by other prisoners and possibly staff. One need only ask one's self if it seems likely a few years being raped and freaked out would seem to help self esteem, self-care, self-awareness and a positive attitude towards one's fellow man. When guilt is appropriate, tell yourself that. Every time you feel those feelings, remind yourself what you want them to apply to -- what you want to try to do less or more often or what thinking, experiences or whatever you want "red-flagged" in your brain to trigger alert warnings when perceived in the future. It does not follow that if you decide you should feel guilty that you should decide to do things to yourself that will be detrimental to your long term best interests. Guilt is to help you be a better person, not a worse one -- in spite of what any adult may have lead you to believe when you were a child. when guilt goes goofy or unhealthy &/or just lingers too long When guilt feelings are way out of line with logic but they don't seem to go away or diminish, it can be a very frustrating, negative experience. This situation is uncomfortable in itself but it also often can corrode self-esteem, motivation, productivity and health. It can be a cause of depression and self sabotaging behaviors. One can feel increasingly helpless, hostile to self and hopeless. Counseling helps when things become illogical. A few sessions with a counselor -- even if you have no insurance coverage -- can be cheaper than living with stress, emotional pain and/or self-sabotage and self-directed anger. Also, sometimes antidepressants or anti-anxiety meds can help get you back in the habit of not experiencing those guilt feelings so often or not so intensely. Medications should not make you feel different excpet for a lessening of guilt. And hypnotic interventions can be very helpful. It is not likely to be helpful to use self-help programs or medications to force one's self to stop feeling guilty or otherwise push attitudes or forgetting in ways that are in direct opposition to one's beliefs. Anyone unable to give him- or herself permission to give up guilt feelings after what seems like a reasonable amount of time, should at the very least find a close friend or two to discuss the situation with. If this doesn't do it, find a therapist to discuss the problem with. If you believe you owe the world a debt because of guilt about something you did, self-sabotage is not appropriate. Though it feels right, it leads to more crappy behavior. If you feel you owe the world a debt, you need to take good care of yourself so that you can be able to do good works. (Self damaging behavior is a form of twisted, self-angry mental masturbation. It does nobody any good. Nobody.)
general health and exercise With any issues of emotion, thinking, feeling, stress and challenge, if your body isn't functioning well, your brain (part of your body, you know) won't function properly. Eat right, exercise. Be healthy and your thinking will at least have a chance to be healthy. using counseling Counseling involves sitting down and describing what you are feeilng, what you are feeling guilty about and how it is affecting you. It is a process of working with an expert on how you are thinking about things. Often it is as simple as finding some alternative ways of thinking about whatever you feel guilty about and this substantially ends the guilt right then and there. Sometimes it is a bit harder to accept that you should look at things differently and you find that you are not convinced. This can then take longer. Sometimes it is a very complex problem having to do with your basic atitudes, your issues not only about the issue you feel guilty about but also other similar issues in your life. Sometimes this can be complicated by poor, impractical, possibly hostile habits in how you deal with your own challenges and a deep-seated poor self esteem. using medications Sometimes guilt feelings are messing with thinking and sleep to the extent that you should probably consider medications that might help you think more clearly and logically. Many of the antidepressants can be helpful in that they can help by reducing the frequency and intensity of recurring, intruding thoughts and guilt feelings. Some medications can substantially turn off thinking or caring and should be avoided if possible. A discussion of what you want a medication to do -- precisely -- can be very helpful. using hypnosis Hypnosis, NPL, Reiki and some meditative techniques can be very helpful in dealing with guilt after the initial benefits are experienced (e.g., learning from mistakes). These techniques foster a healthier attitude and functioning at an unconscious level of thinking. Hypnosis and NLP, especially, are very helpful in being able to foster positive changes in how one thinks and can also foster a lessening of the frequency and intensity of guilt feelings and thoughts. Check out the Head-Cleaners hypnosis tapes and CDs below. |
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Head-Cleaners Hypnosis
help for resolving, surviving & stopping unhelpful, unwanted feelings of G U I L T  brief excerpt from Allowing One's Self To Get Past It [best listened to thru headphones]
The mental mechanisms that control guilt feelings - like those for anxiety and fear and many other emotional responses - are not consciously accessible. Nobody can just "decide" they've felt enough guilt. However, hypnosis is an often very effective means to access unconscious mental mechanisms. Hypnosis can be very effective in getting past guilt feelings that seem to have lingered longer than necessary. Recorded hypnosis - guided self hypnosis - especially the Head-Cleaners hypnosis recordings - offer carefully crafted suggestions that can be listened to again and again. Head-Cleaners hypnosis recordings are guaranteed effective and designed to be completely non-pushy, non-threatening and specifically non-specific to make them seem individualized for the each listener. For those concerned about what the suggestions are and how they are worded, the transcript of any recording can be requested by simply emailing Dr. Johnson with the title of any recording(s) so it(they) can be looked over prior to listening (this will not reduce the efficacy of the listening experience and may even assist it).
The recordings below can be helpful in dealing with guilt feelings. The top recommendations are listed first. the best two hypnosis recordings for guilt allowing one's self to get past it self to self partnering | |
REDUCE/STOP REMORSE & GUILT FEELINGS
allowing one's selfto get past it on CD and tape cassette Hypnotic word weavings, metaphors and suggestions intended to assist the listener to "get past" feelings of guilt and other lingering psychological side-effects of a significant hurt, wound, shock, trauma, mishap, loss or upset. Intended to reduce or eliminate intrusive unwanted, unhelpful, unpleasant memories, thoughts or feelings of anxiousness, distress, hurt, loss, guilt or regret that linger on without protective, health- or happiness-promoting value. (Not intended to relieve feelings of anxiousness or unwanted thoughts that actually may be providing a protective, realistic warning.) more info & purchase discounts for multiple purchases HAVE HOPE THROUGH TOUGH TIMES healing tree 2 on CD and tape cassette For help with emotional pain, distress and guilt and acceptance and adjustment to loss and change. Also for stress relief & stress management, anger management and help with worry, depression, anxiety, nervousness, sleeplessness. Focuses on fostering in the listener a decrease in negative emotional feelings and an increase in feelings of resiliency, faith, confidence and hope. more info & purchase discounts for multiple purchases LET GO OF DEPRESSION AND DREAD now to how to soothe out angst on CD and tape cassette For soothing out angst (e.g., a persistent feeling of gloomy, mild-to-moderate depression and anxiousness) and establishing a sense of hopefulness, resiliency and faith in one's self and one's life working out. For a practical, logically based, enduring sense that life is manageable and meaningful even when things seem relentlessly stressful and challenging. more info & purchase discounts for multiple purchases HAVE EMPOWERING, POSITIVE DREAMS nightmares to nice dreams on tape cassette Crafted to foster empowering dreams in order to foster a more positive feeling and attitude during waking hours. Is intended to stop anxious dreams or nightmares and for soothing out anxiousness. (Not just for the problem of nightmares.) more info & purchase discounts for multiple purchases CLEAR YOUR MIND SO YOU SLEEP are we asleep yet, too? on CD and tape cassette For problems getting to sleep, getting back to sleep & nighttime anxiety, worry & stress. Focuses on being able to allow one's self to "let go" of worry or concerns for the night and to feel more and more relaxed and comfortable, and then to slip into a comfortable, restful sleep. more info & purchase discounts for multiple purchases TURN OFF CERTAIN FEELINGS OR THOUGHTS two voices to imagine ON TAPE CASSETTE ONLY Guided imageries and suggestions intended to help establish or increase self-control over thinking and feeling that you'd like to control -- turn down problem, unwanted thinking inside. This is different from "allowing one's self to get past it" -- which is for turning down unwanted thinking -- in that this recording is more vague and more broadly applicable in references to what one can turn off or down (e.g., it is also for turning down habits or reactions and such). more info & purchase |
STOP SELF-SABOTAGING SELF-ANGER self to self partnering on CD and tape cassette For the "self-esteem-ally" challenged -- e.g., individuals facing tough personal challenges (e.g., intense feelings of guilt) and/or individuals with goofed up self-esteem who tend to be frustrated and angry with themselves and who may at times be self-sabotaging. Hypnotically presented, compellingly logical suggestions for establishing and fostering a better, more practical, supportive relationship with one's self. more info & purchase discounts for multiple purchases LESS NEGATIVE & MORE POSITIVE THOUGHTS who and how you hope to be on CD and tape cassette Hypnotic word weavings intended to promote and solidify real and lasting changes toward being the person you would like to be – thought-wise, guilt-wise, emotionally, etc. Focuses on increasing the frequency of certain thoughts, urges or feelings that you want to experience more and focuses on reducing thoughts, urges or feelings that come to mind that are not wanted. more info & purchase discounts for multiple purchases STOP UNWANTED THOUGHTS FOR A TIME performance 2 on CD and tape cassette For reduction of anxious, intrusive & bothersome thoughts and self-consciousness that interferes with performance of well-learned actions. Fosters being able to be "in the zone." For performance anxiety of all sorts, including male sexual performance anxiety, test anxiety and stage fright. more info & purchase discounts for multiple purchases BE REALISTICALLY CONFIDENT to be comfortably confident on CD and tape cassette For individuals whose self-confidence could use a small to huge boost. Intended to foster increased self-confidence via imageries and ideas that are woven to gently un-knot fears and stimulate real changes toward a much more positive, practical and realistic attitude of self-confidence without arrogance or silliness. The focus is on real, lasting change in confidence. more info & purchase discounts for multiple purchases RELAX, BE ALERT relax...relax... on CD and tape cassette For relaxation and the development of relaxation skills that foster physical and emotional comfort and rejuvenation without reducing awareness and alertness. For those who have difficulty relaxing -- especially those who have a history of reacting with anxiousness to attempts to relax. Especially helpful for survivors of trauma experiences and/or soldiers facing combat experiences and their aftermath. Fosters optimal rejuvenative relaxation and alert relaxation skills. more info & purchase discounts for multiple purchases DON'T LET GUILT HURT YOUR EATING practical, optimal eating, too on CD and tape cassette For establishing and maintaining optimal, practical eating motivation and behavior when feelings of guilt and distress complicate and confuse appetite or interest in eating. Fosters self-control, self-discipline and self-esteem. more info & purchase discounts for multiple purchases |
 
 
Dealing with guilt about milk that is spilt, you can get quite a complex quite sturdily built. If you've learned what you should and don't need any more, there is help in these whispers that can greatly restore. | |
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shrink rap articles Brief and lengthy self-help and life-strategy info articles. Dealing With Guilt Feelings After Placing a Parent in a Nursing Home Guilt for Better or Worse Mindfulness of the Matrix and What To Do What To Do The Quilt of Guilt Gets Built to the Hilt Once Upon a Guilty Thought | |
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tapes/CDs purchased by check via snail mail | |
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