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These are observations from a therapist's rocker -- these are issues of impracticality, irony and habit. Read at your own risk. You may find yourself looking into a bit of a mirror. These are strategies for dealing with life that have been the topic of discussion in the process of various psychotherapy sessions and various psychotherapies.
make it worse
(impractical)
when there's nothing to do about a situation except make it worse "I'm not going to just stand by and do nothing!" Though there are a lot of times in life when being action-oriented is both practical and admirable, in some situations there is simply nothing one can do to make anything better. When there is nothing do -- with the possible exception of doing something to make things worse -- then there is nothing to do but make things worse. But this subtlety seems to slip past many people. In such situations they prefer to do something even though it will make things worse rather than accept the idea that they could do nothing. As amazing as it sounds, this is not only common but I've actually had people insist on and defend their right to make things worse rather than stand by and do nothing. An example: You get let go by a boss that really didn't like you and you didn't like him and he acts delighted that he is getting rid of you. You react by punching him and then keying his car. (Taken from actual case files.)
just imagine (impractical) When there are only lousy choices, imagine a better choice and go with the imaginary choice When there are no good choices to chose from, imagining an alternative and then going with it as if it were a real choice makes about as much sense as closing your eyes while driving your
An example: You've become sexually attracted to someone at work. The feeling is mutual. You can't stand the idea of passing up such an opportunity (choice a) and you know your spouse will want a divorce if you break your marriage vows (choice b). You decide that you don't have to pass up the opportunity because you can go to your spouse later and confess all and be forgiven (imaginary choice c).
When all you can do seems not to work, does it really make sense to keep doing it? Many people opt for this "default setting" in their strategies -- keep doing what doesn't work if you haven't got a better idea.
accept it (practical)
When there are only unsavory choices, choose to accept that there are only unsavory choices
When there are only bad choices, there are only bad choices. You can chose the lesser if one seems lesser, but optimal outcome will probably be based on accepting that if your choices are bad, there is no choice but to accept a bad choice. When you can accept the basic facts as they are, you can at least deal with life on the basis of reality. It is folly -- though terribly common -- to decide to imagine a fantasy option C and then chose it when in reality there are only option A and option B.
When all you can do is have faith, have faith that either there is a Plan and a Higher Power -- or that no matter what happens it will be all over when the lights go out. Either can bolster one better than focusing in on the negative aspects of the moment.
deserve it (practical) When there is nothing to do about a tough situation don't assume you deserve troubled times When things go badly it's a very unhelpful, impractical strategy to decide you deserve things to go badly -- with the possible exception of if you are a small child. (Small children seem to not do very well when they think there is nobody taking care of them -- so it may be both natural and practical for small chldren in very bad situations -- e.g., being molested -- to assume they're at fault somehow.) There are a variety of theories about why things go badly for people -- the least helpful is to assume you are being punished for unknown crimes and misdemeanors. Assuming that bad things happen only to bad people is a disservice to everyone that bad things happen to. One alternative is to assume that there is a purpose to adversity, pain and tough times (along the lines of "no pain no gain") -- that these help one grow or that they are a test of some sort, etc.
be a rat (impractical) When faced with tough stressors & there's nothing else to do, embrace your ratness: get angry and pick a fight with somebody When things are bad and there's not much to do about it, getting angry with someone focuses the mind and clarifies and directs the thinking -- and it takes your mind of other problems.
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