dealing with stress
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de-stressing strategies
head-cleaners hypnosis tapes/CDs help
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We use the term "stress" to describe pressure or load -- usually composed of worries and thinking way beyond the norm. Even good things happening can be stressful, because they add to the thinking and planning we need to do to optimize the chances of successes. We use the term "stressor" to describe something that is more or less the cause of the load. (For example, an upcoming test is a "stressor" and the concern felt about how well you might do on the test is the "stress.")
Stress is not necessarily bad, it's just stressful. You can think of stress in the same terms that a builder might think of stress -- in terms of load-bearing. Every thing you care about and can't take for granted is a bit of load on your mind and your body -- the more worry it brings with it, the more concern, the more stress it is to bear.
When a building is put up, the builder puts in supports for the floors and roof based on how much stress he expects them to hold up. It's not necessarily bad for the floors to hold up a big load. It may be harmful over time to keep the load at maximum on all the floors without checking for indications of overly stressing the structure. It may be harmful to overload the structure for any extended period of time. If one finds one's self with a building loaded to capacity, it's a good idea to either fortify the structure or reduce the amount of load.
When we are "built" (raised) -- and as we go through life -- we develop many skills and abilities, some of which relate to our ability to handle stress and our tendencies to take on stress. Our ability to handle stress ultimately depends on the internal supports (skills, abilities, attitudes) and external supports (friends, family, etc.).
Handling stress is an practical, practice-able art form and craft -- like fine arts painting -- that can involve any number of tools and strategies that can be learned. One's ability to "handle" stress is directly related to one's set of available tools and strategies for using them. It's an art form and it's a very practical area to put skill-building energies. It comes more naturally for some than for others, but for anyone it comes better with study and practice.
de-stressing strategies
| "Limits?! Limits!? We don't need no stinking limits!!" |
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Knowing, understanding, accepting one's limits. We all have limits -- those of us who aren't omnipotent. Sometimes we can get so caught up in things, we don't really pay attention to approaching or exceeding those limits. As with a building owner, it's generally a good idea to watch for indications that we are approaching or exceeding load-bearing limits.
Avoiding should-ing on one's self. Trying to live up to a list of "shoulds" imposed on one's self by "them" and by "they" (as in, "they say you should...") is one of the most useless forms of stress there is. Having a good, practical reason for stressing about something is one thing -- being stressed out for no other reason than because you think you "should" be stressed about something is a bit this side of silly.
Putting things into perspective. No matter how things look, you can look at them differently with a little time and effort. Changing how you look at a danger that you might otherwise be able to do something about so that it isn't dangerous may be folly. However, many things that stress us out are beyond doing anything about other than changing our perspective so that they aren't so stressful. An example of this might be deciding that having cancer is a wake-up and a challenge rather than deciding it's some sort of punishment.
I confess
I'm a mess
under stress
like the rest.
I obsess
in duress,
far too much
I would guess,
and it scares
me at times
that I won't
realign,
but I guess
it's no crime --
I've survived
every time.
anonymous
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Avoid burn-out. The term "burn-out" is a good metaphor for using one's resources up. Burn out is usually associated with trying to endure excessive wear and tear to one's sense of self esteem. I most often see burn out under two sorts of circumstances. First, burn-out happens when a person takes on more and more because they are successful and they enjoy the positive feedback and other feelings about success. S/he then takes on more and more challenges and chances for success until s/he inadvertently (and without understanding what) goes over his or her own limits and begins failing at things rather than being successful. In a worst-case scenario, in response to the failures, s/he takes on even more challenges in hopes of recapturing some feeling of success.
The other kind of burn out I see frequently is what happens when an individual is a frequent and chronic recipient of put-downs and other assaults to self-esteem. No one can put up with continuous put downs without having them affect them in very negative ways.
Hang out with positive people. Negative and positive attitudes can be infectious over time. Like strong, deep colors, they can rub off. As they say, when you lay down with dogs you get flees.
Accept responsibility for your situation. The more you blame others or situations or events for your troubles, the less control you can have over your situation. The more you can put people, events, etc. into a perspective along side the weather -- which you can't control and can only sometimes predict, but you can deal with.
Don't poop in your own pen. Though the saying above about dogs suggests some negativity, all in all it seems to me that dogs behave quite simply and well compared to humans. One of the lessons we could learn from dogs is to not foul our own den. Perhaps this is a rat-ness issue. Place two rats in a box and electrify the floor of the box so that the rats' feet hurt and they will attack each other. In this people tend to be closer to rats than dogs. When stressed, taking out stress on loved ones at home is the dumbest of indulgences.
Get into a groove -- routine can reduce stress. This is especially true for kids but also true for adults. The more you have a routine to follow, the less you have to use your brain for such issues as sleep time, food time, work time, etc. -- and the more you have that brain space for other issues and stressors.
Occupy your mind with something fun and kind. Having fun things -- a hobby, a fun pastime to look forward to -- can give a respite (a time off) from a bunch of stressors.
Exercise. Exercise - good old fashioned use of muscles - can significantly reduce feelings of stress and foster better health. This is because when under stress, the body is constantly sustaining a readiness to run or fight by keeping muscles taught and digestive systems on low. Exercise uses the tension in the muscles. This is, in a way, exactly what they tell you to do with rechargeable batteries - drain them once in awhile. The result is better health and better metabolism.
head-cleaners hypnosis tapes/CDs -type help
As a component part of an overall program of de-stressing, hypnosis tapes and CDs can be very helpful tools for optimizing perspective, attitude and abilities and for focusing on and dealing with a variety of causes of excessive stress.
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"healing tree 2" focuses on accepting and moving on after significant changes. The recording weaves together metaphor and imagery that foster resiliency, reduce emotional and physical pain, reduce anxiousness, assist in settling concerns, put unwanted thoughts out of mind and generally reduce feelings of stress.
"self to self partnering" hypnotically fine-tunes how one reacts and relates with one's self when dealing with the challenges, struggles and frustrations of life. A hypnotic aid especially important to anyone working on stress management, self-improvement, struggle, loss, challenge or change. Especially important to the "self-esteem-ally" challenged who may at times struggle with feelings of self loathing or a tendency to engage in self-sabotage and/or self-directed anger. Focuses on practical attitudes and perspectives on dealing with one's self for maximum, optimal practical, positive productivity and patience.
"performance 2" focuses on allowing one's self to put unwanted thoughts out of mind whenever it is to one's advantage, to just trust in one's own abilities and to generally reduce feelings of stress.
"are we asleep yet, too?" is focused on dealing with stressful feelings and thoughts that keep one awake.
"to halt a headache?" is focused on dealing with headache and the stressful feelings and thoughts that keep headaches aching.
"allowing one's self to get past it" is focused on reducing or eliminating guilt feelings and feelings of anxiousness or remorse that are unhelpful, painful and wasteful of time and energy.
performance perfected is focused on increasing confidence and fostering a calm readiness for action and an ability to perform without self-consciousness or self-criticism.
"some thoughts to think to soften fears and loss and hurt and terror " is focused on accepting vulnerabilities that cannot be eliminated in life without being careless or foolish.
"to halt a headache?" is focused on dealing with headache and the stressful feelings and thoughts that keep headaches aching.
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TAKE NOTE: In self-helping it's important to tell helpful from hurt. It's important to give yourself permission to consult a professional if you need one. Just as its important to get to a doctor if you're severely injured -- and just as in borderline cases of injury it's better to waste the time it takes to go see a doctor than risk that you should have -- and just as one should not goof around with bandaids when an artery is gushing -- it's important to consult a psychologist,
psychiatrist or other counselor or physician -type professional if you believe you might, in fact, need one. Better safe and not sorry -- a stitch in time saves nine. If it turns out its a false alarm, the professional will tell you. If you think you need to go with a significant other and your 'other says "no," then go by yourself. Take a look at the comments on finding a therapist for some tips. Again, better safe than sorry -- a stitch in time saves nine.
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