an angry seven year old
an email & email response
- I am interested in knowing if a head-cleaners hypnosis tape is the right product for my 7 year old son.
He has been suspended already three times, has performance anxiety and is very aggressive, not wanting to listen and its frustrating for me! I am a single parent and every day i go to school it always something. My son has no self control and i am wondering really as I am at my ends wits mentally, financially. I just need to know if this will help work so my son can cope better.
Response:
There may be some tiny possibility that something like a hypnosis tape might help but it is unlikely. Actually, I'd make that
very unlikely.
With those problems at age 7, it is much more likely that your son is dealing with either - a) some tough
social-psychological stressors that have him angry and unable to talk about it (e.g., he's living in a chaotic home situation
where there is too little structure and too little apparent parental confidence and control and/or a home situation that has or
has had some sort of abuse or neglect happening in it that is or was directed at him or someone he loves) and/or
b) he's
struggling with a learning disorder, some sort of food allergy or some other sort of brain or body disorder that has him very
frustrated, angry, anxious and/or depressed.
At age 7 he isn't likely to be able to come up with enough insight or verbal ability to tell you what is wrong. I strongly recommend that you
consult a psychologist that works with children who can help you sort out what tests and procedures to try to figure out what
is going on and to try to figure out what to do to fix things. It may be that one of the referrals will be to a pediatrician or child psychiatrist to start looking for a medication that can help but medications all by themselves don't take away the feelings that a child has about himself after a lot of anger
and failure experiences. Even if a med is found that straightens him out markedly, he still may have big problems
with self esteem because of the difficulties he's had so far. You will find no product that will help with this without running the
risk of putting a band-aid on what may be a cancer (figuratively -- and possibly literally -- speaking).
If you already actually know what is going on -- that is, you know he is in a home situation described above -- and you're
trying to avoid admitting it to yourself because you're embarrassed or you don't want to have to change your own habits --
whether the situation is over or not you and your son need to be seeing an expert who can help you sort this out and
deal with it. If you don't get some effective help the alternative is seeing your son become more and more angry and and more and more labeled by
others as a very bad, problematic kid. If you don't do everything you can do, every morning when you look in the mirror you will be seeing yourself becoming more and more guilty, depressed and disfunctional.
When looking for a psychologist to help, it's best to ask around to friends and professionals who might know or have heard
of who is good with kids -- who has been helpful to other moms and kids in these situations. If you go to someone and he
or she makes you feel badly or doesn't really seem to make sense or be helpful, you start again asking around and try
another one. You might need to try one or two or three before you find someone that clicks with you and helps. (See Finding a Therapist, another article on this site.)
This is one of those situations where sooner is WAY better than later. The longer you wait to deal with it, the more there
will be to deal with. Every time he yells, every time he expresses anger and it works for him, every time someone else sees
him as being an angry kid, every failure at school, every failure with other kids or teachers, every time something happens
that makes him cry and every time someone yells at him, it may make things worse and make more to deal with in the long
run. I bet if you look into it you will find that there are a number of psychologists in your area that work with kids and a lot of other parents and professionals that have had experience with them.
This is one of those lousy situations in life that you just have to grit your teeth and deal with. It's not your son's fault. It's probably not your
fault, either. Even if you have a strong suspicion that you've been causing the problems or supporting the causes of his
problems, you must need some advice on how not to. Obviously you care, so if you are in sort of a rock and a hard place
-type situation, you still must need help to sort it out. But though you may not be at fault, it is your responsibility to get this
dealt with -- you are the mom. If dad or someone else important in your life is against it, you still need to deal with it and you still are responsible. (You wouldn't
be the first mom to have to fight, lie to or leave her husband, her boyfriend, her mom, etc., to help keep her child safe.) At times like this I usually
recommend trying to have some faith in a higher power that has some good reasons for making sure you and your son got
put in this situation.
Good luck.
Dr. Johnson
- this and all other shrink rap articles and email responses are written by g. m. johnson, phd -
see the head-cleaners home page for a link to more information on dr. johnson
or for links to other shrink rap articles
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