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The increasing commercialization of Christmas and the decreasing amount of money in the average individual's pocket -- not to mention the increasing personal debt carried in the form of credit cards and such -- make Christmas one of the most emotionally unhealthy times of the year for many people. Christmas is about the birth of Jesus. Though it is true that part of the story includes mention of gifts being given by  three kings, there is nothing in the story about anyone stressing themselves crazy with debt and/or intense expectations about crafts to be created and wrapped and readied. And nowhere in the story is there anything about exchanging gifts or feeling obligated to take on levels of stress and debt that are, in the long run, potentially detrimental to the giver's mental health, the wellbeing of his or her family or self, or his or her ability to focus on the wonder of the birth of the baby Jesus.
Yes, corporate and political types would prefer that as much purchasing be done as possible by everyone and anyone with anything left on their credit limit, in their borrowing power or in their available resources. In America, it is often said that the American thing to do is spend, spend, spend. It is important to ask yourself whether you really believe that it is realistic to sacrifice your sanity to the uglification and spendification of Christmas so that corporations might be a bit richer and more successful.
This may not be a mental health issue for some people. Many people are well equipped to do all manner of gift giving and whatnot in celebration of Christmas. However, many people are not. Many people find themselves with a far greater list of expectations than they can reasonably hope to meet. For these folks, the expectations they feel during days and weeks leading up to Christmas can result in migraines, feelings of  helplessness and hopelessness, depression, poor self esteem, sleep problems, irritability and hostility, distractibility, poor judgement, stress dreams, nightmares, improper eating, problem eating, substance abuse and forgetfulness.
To anyone who expects to go through Christmas and be likely to come out the other side feeling hurt, stressed and anxious because of the expectations of Christmas gift giving, I have the following advice: Announce to anyone and everyone that you will not be giving or exchanging gifts on Christmas.
You may need to apologize to those people who feel that you are being a grinch and stealing Christmas. But this is simple politeness. If you are supposed to be giving gifts to or exchanging gifts with someone who cannot accept and/or understand that gift giving is causing you serious distress and financial problems, perhaps you can simply be forgiving and patient with them for being either too young to understand or for being otherwise unable to respect the decisions and/or understand the problems of others. "But people will look down on me." Yes, but most of them will ultimately warm to the idea and see you as a soldier of sanity and a trend setter. "But people will think I am just cheap." Yes, some will, but most of them will ultimately warm to the idea and see you as a soldier of sanity and a role model. "But what if nobody understands ever?" Okay, if that happens it won't be the first time and you will have the comfort of knowing you are a soldier of sanity and a wise person with wisdom that is simply beyond the understanding of your circle of others. You will have the comfort of knowing you are extending your life by reducing your stress and increasing your real appreciation of Christmas, your freedom from economic slavery and your quality of life. It's time to take back sanity from and for the holidays. It is fine and wonderful for those individuals who have the means to share with others they care about by giving gifts at Christmas. But vast numbers of people -- increasing numbers each year -- find themselves feeling pressure to make certain they provide gifts to all the people in their social circles even though they cannot afford to do so without incurring unreasonable and potentially dangerous levels of debt. It is simple common sense to stop the insanity that grips people and makes them feel a pressure to spend money on gifts for others when it is damaging to their financial well being and their mental health and the financial wellbeing and mental health of their loved ones.
Further, it is simple common sense to begin to make it permissible in our culture to admit that in spite of working as hard as possible, you are having trouble making ends meet. At this time of Christmas would it not be more in keeping with the story and meaning of Christmas to make this a time when we make it acceptable and not humiliating to admit that in spite of hard work, finances are very, very tight and expenditures that we might wish to make are beyond our ability. This needs to stop being a source of humiliation and embarrassment. It is happening to hundreds of thousands if not millions of people. It is not happening because they are bad people, stupid people or lazy people. It is happening because our culture does not reward work as it once did and because certain realities of greed and inequality in our culture are becoming too intense and wide spread to be ignored any longer.
If this idea caused a movement -- a large scale change in how people in financial distress handled the holidays -- and if the movement caused all businesses to do less business and corporate magnates begin screaming. And if they screamed at anyone who would be so un-capitalistically helpful as to do such a thing -- and especially if in America they scream that such a move is bad for America, let's ask those businesses to first try to do something more for America and Americans, themselves. It may be "American" to push people to buy, buy, buy. But it is not humane, reasonable or caring to continue to push the idea that America's economy requires a continual bleeding of Americans who cannot afford the loss of blood.
Alternatives to Christmas materialism, commercialism & stress. Children. One of the biggest difficulties that can arise if you decide to opt out of gift giving is the issue of children. It is not necessary, though, to give yourself permission to stop ALL gift giving. You may want to stop all giving except to your children or to nieces and nephews, grandchildren, the children of close friends, etc. Drawing these lines can at least reduce a great deal of the stress about giving to the adults potentially on your gift lists. If a person does decide to give to children, though, it is advised that it be considered important to be reasonable and respectful of realistic spending limits. It is not healthy to model over-spending for children -- especially over-spending dictated by social expectations. Kids often are overwhelmed by receiving many toys at Christmas and they don't appreciate many of the toys they get. This can be cause for significant upsets when parents have over-extended themselves dangerously and the child responds to the gift with a ho-hum attitude. Other alternatives. Opting out of Christmas giving does not have to mean opting out of the Christmas spirit. If you cannot stand the idea of totally avoiding any gifting, there are simple alternatives. For example, would it not be much more in keeping with the story of the baby born in a manger to put aside all exchanges and reach out with one gift within your realistic ability to one child or needy person -- either through a local homeless shelter, woman's shelter or Salvation Army. This could be in the form of volunteer hours, used but useful goods or small gifts of money. You could also simply resolve to be as good a person as you possibly can be throughout the year. You could perhaps resolve to help others see that being unable to afford to spend, spend, spend at Christmas is not a cause for embarrassment and lower self-esteem. A positive present of partial dimensions to parry those people who will not agree. A final fine thought for those with a fear of their finite finances -- and a fear of not feeling a part of festivities -- who need to find some way to deal with those people who say they insist. 1) Figure out how many presents you actually think you will actually need to give. 2) Then figure a reasonable, well-reasoned total donation size. 3) Donate the money to the Salvation Army or some worthy service in the names of the people you feel you must gift. 4) Then for all those who're hold outs, hand them a card saying that you've gifted them by donating to the organization you've chosen. If they hunger to reciprocate, you can suggest they do so by giving the same way. Adopt the Sanity Clause Permit yourself to accept reality when resource levels say "no." | ||||||||||
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some nice notice that a nice person noticed (It seldom happens that I notice much response to my work in the media. I couldn't resist taking note of the notice.)
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