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"Give in to your anger... With each passing moment, you make yourself more my servant.... ...Good... I can feel your anger." the Emperor tries to lure Luke to the Dark Side by inciting his anger StarWars VI |
Anger is not our friend. Anger is a subtly addictive, neurotically rewarding, muddler of the mind. Ask anyone who has someone angry in their life. Up close and personal, anger seems unpleasant -- but it is subtly rewarding because it makes everything very clear and makes life very simple. When at war, bigtime or little, complex concerns just drop away. So, though unpleasant, anger is experienced at an unconscious level like illicit drugs are -- very rewarding at the moment (in spite of later problems that are caused). And from the outside -- from the standpoint of people around -- anger seems very unhelpful and very uncomfortable and stressful to be around.
Anger seems to be helpful but muddles the mind. By shutting down much of the mind's complex thinking through a process that readies the body for physical battle, anger seems to help cut through complexities of life, making everything seem much simpler. It fosters a sense of focus, direction, empowerment and energy that is wonderful in hand to hand combat but enormously counterproductive in every other situation in life.
Some people think anger is helpful. Many people think that anger is helpful in motivating them and empowering them in difficult situations. This seems to be an unfortunate belief. For most situations other than physical battle, a person should not have to shut down his or her brain and create an artificially high arousal state just to be able to do things the way he or she thinks they should be done. Even though diminished thinking can help temporarily avoid complicated mental functions like guilt, the guilt thing is going to happen later anyway sooner or later. Even if diminished thinking helps temporarily avoid anxiousness, for most situations shutting down thinking is going to result in mistakes and poor judgement and an overall increase in things to be anxious about. Relying on being dumb so the right thing can be done will lead later to lots of self-torture. Anger is blaming and directs solution-seeking away from one's self. Part of the dumbing down problem with anger is that being angry results in directing problem solving outward toward someone or something else. First of all, though sometimes there are things that can be done to influence others, problem solving with respect to others is very handicapped when angry. Further, most people are not very open to creative problem solving when someone is angry with them. Being angry with someone else is often problematic. Being angry at another person makes it much more likely that one will miss recognizing ways to personal action with respect to one's own behavior or attitudes. It feels bad to tell yourself that you should do something besides be angry -- but here are vastly more things that a person can do to achieve changes in his or her self to change a situation compared to the possibility of making changes in someone else.
How often is anger okay? Okay is up to each individual to define for him- or herself. How often is it okay to dumb up? How often are you in a fight with a bear or equivalent? "Don't I have a right to be angry?!?!" I am frequently -- usually -- asked this when I point out that anger makes dumbness. And, of course, though I'm actually pretty unclear about who bestows "rights," I think the answer to the question is basically "yes" -- everyone has a right to be angry. Everyone has a right to paint him- or herself purple with latex paint and eat worms and everyone has a right to sprinkle lead-based paint chips on his or her food. Everyone has the right to quit a good job, give away an expensive car, trash a good relationship, stay out late partying before an important test and a lot of other things that are very impractical and self-sabotaging. We all have a right to act contrary to our own best interests in any number of dumb ways. We have a right to be angry and a right to be dumb. This isn't an issue of rights. The argument that it is one's "right" to make one's self dumb and mess up one's own life is just basically silly and sort of seems sort of wrong. A note on the illogic of getting even! Getting even is one of the dumbest ideas ever invented in thinking. How does doing to someone what someone did to you make anything, ANYTHING, better? How does becoming a dragon to fight against dragons make any sense? Why be against dragons if you are willing to be one? And, of course, the whole idea of getting even doesn't really mean that one gets really even -- it really means doing the same plus a bit more. How can one be against dragons, for example, and then think it is a good idea to be a bigger, meaner dragon in order to get even? A good example is some of the reaction to the 9/11 Ben Laden disaster. Many people reacted by wanting to get even -- by which they meant they wanted to find someone to damage as badly as NYC was damaged plus a little bit more. There was serious, immediate reactionary talk of bombing where Ben Laden might be and it was even said that the US would not be worrying about hurting innocent people in doing so. Another good example is the middle east where people on each side are bombed to teach the other side "a lessen." The lesson, obviously, is that if you bomb me, I will bomb you for bombing me because bombing is bad and wrong. So they bomb each other. To get even. To get equal. To get equal and then a bit more. This is how dumb anger can make you. If it is wrong for someone to kill handfuls or dozens or thousands of unsuspecting people because of anger about hurtful policies and actions, how does is it right to turn around and kill handfuls or dozens or thousands of unsuspecting people because of anger about hurtful policies and actions? If it is "right" to do so, then why be upset about it being done?
Sicilian wisdom. It is said that the Sicilians have a saying that revenge is a dish best served cold. This is a practical sentiment in that it suggests that a reaction to a hurt should be handled with a cool head -- without anger. Actually, revenge is a poor idea in and of itself, but the sentiment about dealing with things cooly and calmly is very practical. In this way the reaction can be optimally logical and practical and avoid the incredible dumbness of anger. Pushing away others, being very uncomfortable to be around. If the practical aspects of anger making one dumb isn't enough, the practical aspects of social reactions to anger is hard not to see. Though often it is easy for a person to miss how his or her anger distresses others, just note how it feels the next time someone is angry with or around you. Angry people are not fun to be around. The most common complaint is that everyone feels they need to be "walking on eggshells" to avoid an outburst.
Giving in to anger -- which seems to be the default emotion for most humans when frustrated or hurt -- can increase the likelihood and frequency of giving in, getting angry again. Though anger doesn't feel good it is subtly rewarding and causes an increase in the likelihood of being angry again. If you tend to be angry, you can probably look into your past to see the slow progression of the sense of frustration and anger. If someone near you tends to "go with the flow" of anger, you can see this in your experience with that person over the years. (Great, huh? Makes you feel crappy, makes you dumb, distracts you from possible problem solving opportunities and increases the likelihood you'll be that way more often in the future. This anger stuff was good when we were cave people but there is little to recommend it now.) A final small note: This is not about religion. Note that I am not proposing here that anyone should be Christian or adhere to any other faith-based ethics. This is up to the individual -- what ethics and principles he or she brings into play. The arguments above are arguments against indulging in anger, thinking things through in anger and/or acting in anger -- because anger shuts down the thinking and is very impractical. "Oh! Wait! One more final small note. Just a note of clarification. Not being angry doesn't have to be the same as being gullable, forgetful, vulnerable. Though some people believe they have to be angry at people to "keep them at arms length" -- this is not accurate. One need not be angry at a rattle snake to give it a lot of personal space. One need not be angry at someone to avoid trusting them to be someone of greater reliability, ethics or trustworthiness than you know that they are. It is a bit tougher to be able to say "no" to someone without being angry. But it is worth the effort if you can pull it off.
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